Relationships have changed more in the last 50 years than they have in the previous 5,000. It is now more challenging to create healthy relationships in our modern-day world because we have more freedom than ever to choose who we want to be and who we want to be with in a relationship.
In the past, romantic relationships were based on survival and need, but nowadays, we can choose the type of partner and lifestyle we want with them. These days, people get involved in romantic relationships for psychological and physical fulfilment.
Modern relationships require a lot of work to ensure that they last long-term and that you and your partner remain happy and connected in the relationship.
You might have clicked on this article, wondering, “How can I improve my relationship?” Look no further! Because this article will provide you with an ultimate guide to a healthy relationship in our modern-day world.
The following is a guide to creating that thriving relationship you deserve:
1. Create A Common Vision
Creating a shared vision is the first step to creating a solid foundation. This ensures that your relationship begins with effective communication and that your life goals are aligned. If you create a common vision, your relationship is more likely to last long-term.
How to ensure you share the same life goals
Ask your partner the following questions to ensure that they share the same visions as you do:
Their values and expectations regarding:
a. Finances
b. Home management
c. Work
d. Relationships
e. Children
f. Family
g. Health
Once both of you answer questions about these topics, you will understand what you want your life to look like in the future and what goals you have. This will ensure mutual understanding and help build a healthy relationship.
2. Master Effective Communication
When two people come together in a relationship, they create three entities:
• Partner One
• Partner Two
• The Couple
To build a healthy relationship, having a good relationship with each of these entities is necessary. Self-care, care for your partner, and care for each other as a couple is necessary for a relationship.
In order to do this, effective communication is vital in a modern relationship. But don’t worry! I will guide you through how you can maintain effective communication with your partner.
How to Master Effective Communication
While conversing as a couple on a specific topic, ensure that you can effectively be a speaker and a listener. These are the steps to being a good speaker and a good listener:
The Speaker
Speak clearly and directly while maintaining eye contact.
Give pauses so that your partner can comment.
Use “I” statements instead of using “you” statements. For example, instead of saying, “You don’t care,” try saying, “I did not like what you did.”
The Listener
Listen carefully to what your partner says with an open mind. Do not go into a conversation with preconceived notions.
Practice uninterrupted listening: Be aware that when we are in an argument, our attention span caps at ten seconds before we stop focusing on what the other person is saying and begin to think of our defensive statements.
Show you understand, regardless of whether or not you agree. Comment on what they said and validate their feelings.
3. Learn How to Navigate Through Problems Correctly
Every relationship has ups and downs. However, to build a thriving relationship as a modern couple, you must be able to go through conflict lovingly and respectfully and find a solution that works for both partners. In order to navigate difficulties and avoid fighting all together, these are the 7 key steps you should follow:
The 7-Step Power Couple Technique
1. Create a safe environment
Find the right time and place to have a conversation face-to-face with eye contact and respectful tones. If either of you is too fired up to have a conversation currently, try being in different rooms for a few minutes until you calm down and then have a conversation.
2. Each person states the issue in need of resolution
Example: I tell my husband I am overwhelmed with the house chores. Working from home, taking care of a nine-month-old, cooking, and cleaning is not leaving me time for self-care.
3. Each person accepts the other’s opinion
Here we must practice understanding which is accepting our partner’s perspective as valid, even if we disagree.
4. Each person explains what outcome they desire
Here we focus on what we want and how to achieve that with mutual understanding.
Example: I would like more time during the week to practice self-care. How can we do that?
5. Together, brainstorm ways to solve the problem. Make a list.
Be open and creative. Don’t worry about finding only one solution.
6. Pick one you would like to try first. Begin to solve the issue.
We often get caught up on what is the one solution to fix everything. Instead, we can feel calmer and more confident by choosing one solution we believe MAY work, putting it into practice, and seeing how it goes.
7. Check in with each other to see if you have resolved the issue
If the issue is not resolved, pick another possible solution. Repeat this process as often as needed until you find a solution that works for both of you.
4. Improve intimacy
Sexual intimacy and sex are two different things. Sexual intimacy is not simply a physical act but a pleasurable experience between two people in Love who express trust, vulnerability, and appreciation for one another.
Physical intimacy has a range of expressions, all focusing first on the mind. When couples embrace, they have increased levels of oxytocin, the hormone responsible for lowering stress and making us feel less stressed. This leads to an overall more intimate bond between the couple.
Steps to improve your physical and sexual intimacy
a. Learn About Your Body
Now’s the time to explore if you’re unsure what you like or how to reach orgasm. Take some alone time for yourself to discover what gives you pleasure. If both partners know what makes them feel good individually, it will give you a higher chance of feeling good when you are together.
b. Identify Your Turn Ons
What can you or your partner do to get you in the mood? It’s essential to identify what makes you and your partner get turned on and in the mood. Is it a back massage, a candle-lit dinner with lots of room for dessert and neck kisses, listening to relaxing music, or having a warm bath? Explore various possible turns and see which one works for each of you.
c. Practice Mindfulness
Mindfulness is the ability to be actively present at the moment. Don’t stress out about other things while you are with your partner. Mindfulness can slow down intimate moments together and allow you to guide the scenario in the way in which it’s most pleasurable for both of you. This will create a strong bond in the relationship.
d. Create Physical Intimacy Outside of Sex
Having high physical intimacy outside of sex often translates to a heightened level of sexual intimacy during sex. Physical intimacy can include kissing, holding hands, cuddling, caressing, spooning, eye contact, etc. The more physically connected you are during the day, the more you will feel closer to one another during sexual intimacy.
e. Schedule it
In this modern-day world, life can get too busy! It never ends with the kids, the partner, the job, the chores, the meetings, and the friends! But if you are currently sexually active in your relationship, it’s essential to understand that it is not a luxury; it’s a necessity.
The bond strengthened during sexual intimacy will spill out into all the other aspects of your life; it’s an investment! When you make Love to your partner and feel happy and energized, that is how the two of you will have a healthy relationship and improve all other aspects of your lives together.
5. Invest in quality time
The most comprehensive study on happiness conducted at Harvard University shows that people who invest in their relationships live longer and happier lives.
Beyond social class, genetics, or cholesterol levels, the study found that positive relationships with others were the leading drivers of a person’s ability to combat health issues. This is why it is necessary to invest quality time for your relationship to thrive.
3 Keys to Quality Time
• Schedule it: Pick days and times during the week that you can enjoy with one another. Take time out for each other even if you are extremely busy. Even a 30-minute dinner is better than nothing!
• Set the Boundaries: Define what will be done when and set the rules for each activity. Make sure you don’t feel too stressed out with organizing activities and enjoy time together in whatever way possible.
• Be present with your partner: Giving all your attention to your partner while you are with them will allow you time to relax and open up your heart to each other.
Conclusion
With that, we reach the end of the ultimate guide to a thriving relationship in the modern-day world! These are all the key steps to ensure that you and your partner sustain a healthy relationship that lasts long-term.
Remember, it is no longer enough to only survive in a relationship. Your relationship must thrive because you deserve to be happy!
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Railey Molinario is an expert love educator and relationship coach based in the United Kingdom. She is also a course creator, magazine editor, podcaster, industry leader, and public speaker, providing the tools and techniques needed to build strong relationships, changing the world one relationship at a time.
Edits and inputs by Aswin Raghav R.